PFSB in London Above

[herald_ingress]

The door slams behind Ingress as she strides into Milliways. She hesitates in front of the House of Arch painting, but if she goes there she'll cry and be coddled, and her sister will give her the look that always says "Come home, we'll figure it out, just come back home to us." There is no figuring it out, not even with Tom's help. She was chosen for a reason. She wants to be a Herald. She wants to be with her companion. She wants to be a part of her new world, her true home now. She wants and wants and never stops wanting.

And, oh, tonight, she is tired. Tired to the bone. Tired deep down to her soul.

The last time she came here, she laughed like she had when she was little with her practice sword and tutu, when everything was bright before her and nothing could go wrong. When she went back to Haven, no time had passed; Megwyn asked her why she hadn't gone after all. Ingress hadn't answered right away, and then she'd simply said "I changed my mind" and then changed the subject.

When Megwyn found her here, all those years ago, she had been broken, possibly beyond repair. Door had tried so hard to be everything her sister needed her to be, but she was, Ingress knows now, ridiculously young, and she had Tom to deal with, too, even though he tried his best to fix them both as they stumbled together into life as a family. But Ingress had shattered that day in the greenhouse when the blood rushed out from her mother's throat onto the roses, and she'd been snatched, kicking and screaming, away from her home. She'd broken into more and more and more pieces during her silent captivity; isolated, cold, and in the constant dark with nothing but scuttling spiders for company.

She'd tried to open the door for Islington when he had her brought to him. She'd tried so hard. But she was too little, and the door he wanted was too far away, and when he screamed at her, she'd tried again, tried so hard that her ears hurt and her nose bled, but it still hadn't been enough and back she'd gone into the dark. She was fed irregularly, and, after a while, she stopped crying. She stopped hoping. She stopped feeling anything at all. When Door saved her months later, she had to learn how to be a little sister, how to be loved, how to be Ingress again.

When Megwyn found her, when she chose her as her herald, the bond between them mended the broken parts within her enough that, with all the rest of the love and support from her family and friends, she healed quickly. Ingress came out of the dark that day, for good, in her mind and heart, and she lived and she laughed and she thrived.

But even when you're not broken, life isn't easy. Ingress has the blessing of a companion who is always - and will always be - there for her, but she's as lonely as any single young woman hoping with all her heart for more. Her  three week circuit had ended, and she was tired and wounded from a skirmish - nothing terrible, but enough to make her constantly aware of the ache on her left side that kept her from sleeping well. When she got back to her room, her heart full of hope and relief, the message basket beside her door was empty. Cassildra hadn't written. That made two months without word from her, and, what was worse, Mewgyn gently told her no when Ingress asked her to check in with her Companion, Talian, to see if Cassildra was okay. Which meant... which meant Cassildra wasn't going to write her. Ever.

Blast it all, it wasn't as if Ingress had insisted on a betrothal. She was deeply smitten, but she'd tried to play it cool, to not be clingy, as her ex-boyfriend had called her a year before. When Cassildra was posted indefinitely across the kingdom, she'd only had hoped for letters. And for something, maybe one day, more than an empty bed night after night.  But that was looking like it would be her fate.

It was hard for Ingress, even still, to fit in as someone from 'out kingdom'. Someone with strange hair and strange eyes and strange gifts who was oh so lovely, and such a gifted fighter, but never quite enough to secure a place in a beloved's heart.

She slumps onto one of the couches near the fireplace. There are times when she wonders if it would be worth opening the door that she keeps tightly shut within herself, the door with thoughts of her sister and her birth world and just what could be fixed and what couldn't behind it.

Or... maybe she'll get really, really drunk and not think about anything for a while, until her wide open heart pains her just a little bit  less.

Comments

[herald_ingress]

"Absolutely! I have no idea what most of this is, but if it has a name I like, I'll try it."

That drink is gone. Ingress waves the drink menu to attract the attention of the server.

"We'd like a Drunken Monkey Cocktail and ummmm, oh, a Moscow Mule!"

The woman on the stage is singing about cakes left out in the rain, and while Ingress thinks that's a terrible waste of cake, it's a pretty cool song.

Their second round of drinks arrives, the singers change out, the songs blare, and Ingress, while not tipsy quite yet, is feeling warm and relaxed.

"If you knew any songs, would you sing up there? I might. Not tonight! But another time."

[acrookedpath]

Oh, Moscow Mules are good, he discovers. He's dropped into a more relaxed sprawl in his chair, kicking a foot idly against one of its legs as he watches the singers.

"Yes, if I knew any," he laughs. "Why not? It seems like fun! Maybe I will start asking Madam Bar for music in addition to new alcohol. I know a few songs from other worlds, but nothing this, ah..."

I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby how you feelin' -- a burly man roars to the absolute delight of the crowd.

"Upbeat."

[herald_ingress]

"It's so loud! My Aunt Nymphadora took me to a wizard rock concert once, and it was louder, but there was a spell for ear protection."

By the end of another round of drinks, Ingress is starting to get - not bored! This is in no way boring. But she's wondering what else there is to do and see. What are they missing?

She's starting to feel the alcohol a little now. She's looser and gigglier and she's forgotten all about stupid Cassildra and her stupid inability to write even one stupid letter.

"Let's try somewhere else. You pick this time!"

She drags the duck bag onto the table and starts pulling out pound notes to pay the tab.

[acrookedpath]

"You trust me not to steer you astray?" He grins. "All right, then let me see what I find."

He's comfortably loose-limbed himself, wondering if perhaps things weren't quite as bad as they seemed last night. They were still bad, to be certain! But maybe Lan Zhan will be kind enough to forget about it. Lan Zhan's a kind sort of man.

Once Ingress has paid off the tab, they venture back out into the crowded street. He unzips his sweatshirt -- much easier to cool off than trying to untangle multiple layers of robes! -- and squints a little at the bright lights radiating everywhere, making early evening hardly different from day. Let's see, let's see...

Huh. What's this? It has none of the flash and grandeur strewn over its windows like the other tavern; he would have barely noticed it at all if his eyes hadn't landed in just the right spot. AlleyCat Bar, reads the sign above the door.

He nudges Ingress and points. "That looks disreputable," he says, in a tone that makes it clear this is a feature and not a bug.

[herald_ingress]

"Deliciously disreputable," she agrees, nodding her head.

They burst through the doors together into the dim light of the bar, and Ingress gets the giggles. She tries covering her mouth with her hand to stifle them, but it doesn't do much good.

"The floor is sticky," she says in between giggles. "This is amazing. Let's sit at the bar."

What would be the best thing to drink next? Oh, right. Ingress will need to actually ask humans and not wait for the drink to appear on the bar surface. She giggles again. She got lucky at the karaoke place; their server probably has no memory of Ingress now, but she was able to recognize her as a person making requests at the time. The way glances slide off her here - because no one is really wanting to truly see anyone, whether they hail from the Underside or not, in this bar - prompts her to nudge Wei Wuxian.

"You might have to order the drinks here. I think we should have something shaken, not stirred." She snickers. She has no idea what that means.

[acrookedpath]

Her giggling is infectious; he's already starting to laugh, too, as he half-demands, "What does that even mean?"

He squeezes through the shoulder-to-shoulder crowds and manages to get close enough to the bar to stake an elbow on it. (Turns out the bartop is just as sticky as the floor.) Peering down first one length of the bar, then the other, he eyes the glasses of the other patrons for anything interesting. Something a deep, shimmery orange in a broad cone of a glass, a little citrus peel curled on top for decoration -- that looks good, he decides, and flags down the bartender to order two of them.

"They shook it!" he declares to Ingress as he hands off her glass. "Here you are."

[herald_ingress]

"It's so pretty! Thank you!"

She slowly spins around on her stool. "I bet there are murderers hiding in plain sight here," she chirps, sipping her drink.

It's a professional opinion. It's probably right! They may be either among the clumps of regulars or the slumming tourists, but she's probably right.

"This is really good. Are you having fun? I hope you're having fun. I'm having so much fun."

[acrookedpath]

"There could be," he agrees with an easy shrug. "I can't tell. Oh, I wonder if that's one over there -- "

He points to a short, stocky man dressed as if he expected to be going somewhere far nicer than where he ended up. The sour expression on his face makes Wei Wuxian dissolve back into snickers; "He's like a peacock crashing through a stable."

Wait. Bad choice of words on peacock there, maybe. Wei Wuxian quickly downs a substantial gulp of his drink.

Earnestly, he wrenches his thoughts back on track and goes on, "But I am! I am having fun. Thank you so much, Ingress, truly, it is not that I am tired of the inn but it's nice to get out to see something new. And soon, my sorrows will be lying at the bottom of a river of alcohol." A contented sigh. "I hope yours will too."

[herald_ingress]

"I think they already are. Wei Wuxian, you're the best, and you're going to be happy. I'm going to make sure."

How she's going to do this, well, she'll get to that.

The person on the other side of her is not aware that she exists at all, and his elbow keeps flying over, jabbing her in the side. Ingress patiently shoves it away every time.

"I want to dance. Do you dance? I have no idea whether you dance or not!"

[acrookedpath]

She wasn't kidding about being invisible, was she? Wei Wuxian has to bite his tongue to keep from sharply telling the other patron to stop elbowing his friend.

"I don't dance," he says apologetically. "I never learned."

Which seems like a terrible failing now! Will Ingress still have fun if he can't dance? Not that this seems like the best place to dance, anyway -- it's a tavern for drinking too much in close quarters and getting in unwise fights at the end of the night, not for any sort of performance.

"But if you want to, we should go somewhere you can!" He slaps a hand down on the bar and downs the rest of his drink. Barely perceptible under the light, his cheeks have begun to flush. "Let's go, let's go, we will find somewhere."

[herald_ingress]

"We will, come on, and I don't think you have to know how to actually dance here. Like at court, I have to remember all the steps if I dance, which I do sometimes, if I feel like it. But here you just... move."

She does a little shimmy as slides off the stool as an example, shoving the patron beside her once more for good measure. She takes Wei Wuxian's hand and leads him back outside into the fresh air, which is a pleasant change from the stuffy atmosphere of the dive bar.

That phrase, walking on air, has a lot more meaning to her right now, and everything sparkles a little brighter. They walk along, Ingress swinging their joined hands, as she laughs and looks around at everything.

Pretty soon she becomes aware of vibrations thrumming up through her shoes from the sidewalk and all around her - throbbing bass lines stream from a huge nightclub that takes up half of a block. The people thronging around outside are glorious - more than one has hair the same color as hers, they all are dressed up in the most elaborate or sexy get ups, and everyone's having a fabulous time.

"Here," she says. "Okay?"

There are two boys kissing in the shadows as they approach the line for the door. It's very sweet.

[acrookedpath]

"Oh -- "

He doesn't stop in his tracks -- he has a little too much forward momentum from Ingress tugging him along, and his legs are getting a little too wobbly -- but his eyes are wide as he takes in the view outside.

It's very... open. Free. Everyone is dressed so wildly differently from the other pedestrians, and they stand so careless and easy as they mill about near the entrance. They share affection without thought; they are laughing, joyous.

He opens his mouth. Nearly asks if Ingress is certain, even as his heart reaches forward, yearning, in recognition.

Who cares about the crowded broad avenue? I'll stick to my single-log bridge until it's dark.

"Yes," he agrees, and realizes he's smiling anew as they open the door.

This is the loudest place yet -- he almost winces, despite himself, as the music shivers against the bottom of his shoes. Lights bounce and strobe like lightning over a broad open space crowded with more people. (How many people even live in this city? They've hardly gone anywhere and he has not seen a single face twice.)

Naturally, as they go to fetch their latest round of drinks, Wei Wuxian is completely oblivious to the handful of appreciative glances turned both his and Ingress's way.

[herald_ingress]

Ingress isn't.

"We're getting checked out so hard," she snickers to Wei Wuxian.

She blows a kiss to a woman in a bow tie and plaid vest whose eyes linger on her. She gets a wink in response, and Ingress steps in time to the beat of the music as she sidles over and presses against the woman, planting a kiss on her cheek as she dances away, looking over her shoulder. The woman watches her, smiling, but then her eyes stray to someone else.

Oh, well. It was worth a try.

"I'm going to get a pink drink next. Bright pink."

And then she's going to dance, dance, dance. Her ears hurt a little, but the music is worth it.

[acrookedpath]

"I don't know what I want," he says -- well, yells over the music -- as he leans on the bar a bit more heavily than the previous times he's ordered for them. "I'll decide later Something pink for you, though! What's pink?"

The very patient bartender makes a few suggestions, Wei Wuxian nodding earnestly along, and soon enough Ingress does, indeed, have a blindingly pink drink in her hands.

"And this is for you, mate," the bartender says. He grabs a glass even smaller than a traditional teacup and begins expertly layering several kinds of creamy-looking liquor into it.

Wei Wuxian's brow knits. "Huh?"

"From that one down the way," he says, and jerks his head toward a young man in an extraordinarily tight shirt at the end of the bar. The young man winks, lifting his glass toward Wei Wuxian.

Oh. Oh no. He can feel his face flushing deeper.

[herald_ingress]

"This is delicious," she says, and then, a few beats behind real time, her eyes widen with surprise and delight as she realizes what's happening.

The shirt is impressively tight.

"I won't throw you in front of him, but Temple and Arch, look at those abs. Guh."

She should probably not abandon Wei Wuxian to go dance. Not when he's this shade of red. He is cute as a button, though. She pulls the camera out of her bag and she snaps his picture.

Thanks to the magical light filters, it will come out fine.

[acrookedpath]

"Ingress! You -- !"

He scrambles to try and grab the picture as it slides out of the camera.

"No no no no no, what if Lan Zhan sees it? I can't let him see that! He'll ask what I was looking at and I don't want him to think I -- "

[herald_ingress]

"I'd never show it to him, I promise," she insists, and she lets him take the picture to make sure he knows her word is good.

"You never know. If he knew someone who looked like that was interested - very interested - he might get jealous. And then you'd know."

[acrookedpath]

"Lan Zhan doesn't get jealous! He's too -- " He flounders. "He's too good. Aiya, Ingress, even if he likes me too I don't deserve him, why should I bother."

He puts his head in his hands.

"He's perfect. He's so beautiful. It's awful. I made this, this talisman array, because I'm trying to learn all the energy signa -- sig -- patterns at the inn, and I tested it on him and he just." Is he getting misty-eyed? "He shone. He's so good."

Realizing he still hasn't done anything about the drink in front of him, he pushes it back to the bartender, trying to wrangle some composure back in place. "Tell him thank you, he flatters me, but I can't. Can I get something else with my own money? I don't know what. Just something."

[herald_ingress]

"Two, um -" her eyes flicker to one of the advertisement posters hung against the wall. "Stella Artois. Please."

The bartender's eyes don't slide away from her when she speaks, and when Ingress slaps down a pound note that is worth way more than two bottles of beer, his attention stays and Ingress smiles as he fulfills her order.

The music is great, but it's starting to make Ingress' head ache, and this situation calls for something besides shrieking at each other in a crowded dance club.

"Come on," she says, tugging his sleeve once the cold beers are in their hands. "We should find something to eat. Do you like curry? I love curry."

She bundles him out of the crowd and, because it's London, there's a curry stand close by, and there's even a patch of grass where they can settle down and eat in some privacy.

"Do you like spicy food?" she asks as they stand in the short line in front of the counter.

[acrookedpath]

Loud and crowded as the club might be, Wei Wuxian isn't sure he wants to leave yet. It's so vibrant. It's like standing at the heart of something shimmering and gorgeously alive. And Ingress wanted to dance, and now he's ruining it by being maudlin -- maybe they can go back later? After curry. Yes.

"I love spicy food," he declares. "Lan Zhan never forgets to bring chili oil when we get dinner. My friends, my old friends, they would ask how I could taste anything at all because I would put so much spice on my food..."

Takeout boxes of curry in one hand, beers in the other, they amble to the patch of grass. Wei Wuxian does not sit so much as do a slow-motion collapse, quickly catching himself before he can topple over altogether.

[herald_ingress]

She could care less about dancing right now. Actually, she finds that she's really hungry, and taking a break from neon colored liquor might be the wisest choice she's made this evening.

"Okay. He shines. I get it. I have met him, and I get it. But no one is perfect. Not even gods and deities."

Especially not gods and deities, or at least the ones she's known about at Milliways.

"But he's there for you every night, staying with you in the same room, far away from home when he doesn't have to be, and he always remembers the chili oil for you. Has he ever been with another person since you've known him?"

[acrookedpath]

"No," he admits as he pokes at his food. "But I don't know! We barely spoke for several years, he might have met someone then. Or maybe he's not interested in anyone, ever. You've met him. He's so reserved."

Wei Wuxian swigs some of his beer.

"And he puts up with so much from me already. You know he was awake half the night last night because I couldn't sleep?" His fingers are clumsy around the plastic fork; it takes an extra attempt to get a bite of food to his mouth. "I can't keep putting burdens on him. He's been through too much."

[herald_ingress]

He stayed up with him when he couldn't sleep? Oh. Oh, that's so...

"Do you ask him to be there? Do you say, 'Lan Wangji, I need you to stay with me' or does he just... do it? Show up and that's that?"

[acrookedpath]

"No," he mumbles. "I tell him to go back to sleep and he never listens. He needs to sleep."

This is vitally important. Lan Zhan needs sleep! He's slept on a cold cave floor for three years because of what Wei Wuxian did, and -- oh, no, he's certain the blur in his eyes isn't all the alcohol's doing anymore. They were having such a nice time and now he's ruining things, again.

[herald_ingress]

He's not ruining a damn thing. Ingress sets down her curry on the ground and scoots closer, wrapping an arm around Wei Wuxian's shoulders.

She won't guess motives or assume intentions, even if she's finding out more information that points to the confirmation of her guesses. But she can comfort a friend.

"You say you don't deserve him. I don't understand, because I think you deserve every kindness and good thing that can come your way."